I don’t know what to do. I have felt this hopeless only one other time in my life; and I have prayed that I would never feel this way again. God must not have heard. Where the last tragedy hit hard and fast like a train; this one is approaching much slower. I can see the train; it is just taking off, yet to build up a proper head of steam. I still have time. There was nothing I could do to make it right last time. The damage had already been done, he was already gone. All I could do was stand there, hold his sister while she cried, and save my own tears for another time. I can only imagine the hell that he had been going through leading him to do it. We weren’t close enough for me to have a real impact on him. At least that is what I tell myself. I still hate myself for not trying; I didn’t even attempt to talk to him about anything. He was family, and though nobody will ever believe it, I failed him. While I’m being honest I might as well admit that I am failing his sister as well. I will not fail my little brother. I will not let him lose. I will fight for the little shit and I will do it with all that I’ve got because I am not losing another brother.

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