You know.

You know,

it’s sad to have to accept certain things as what they are, especially when they are not so good things.

I can say without a doubt that it makes me sad knowing how many people I’ve never met may be struggling with their own things, and even though I’ve never met them, something inside me wishes it can do something to make everyone’s life a little more doable. Yeah not everyone is down in the dumps all the time, but for the people who get caught in ruts here and there, I wish it were my place to do more.

Because nothing gets to me more than watching someone lose control, and hope and then end up in a mess of their own creation, behind walls they may not be able to tear down.

We all want to be safe, and we all want to be acknowledged and even though I’m not the strongest, it makes me stronger to know I must be strong for someone more than myself.

Because if I can help someone, no matter who, if I can make a positive difference in someone’s life, turn them away from the darkness and let the light in, it helps me.

It reminds me that the earth is not a cold dead place.

I want to do so much, but even then things hold me back and sometimes I look around and reach out, and each time I go down, getting up is a little easier and the sting does not stay as long.

I’m just rambling like an idiot at 7AM, but to anyone reading this, if you’re doing well, share the wealth, and if you aspire to adjust your state of being, there are people who want to offer what they can because you are not alone. No one is. Seven billion people, and we all sometimes feel abandoned or alone, but if it counts for anything, ever since i felt it, I couldn’t let myself or anyone around me feel that way.

Relax. Life is good. Just keep breathing. Enjoy your Wednesday 🙂

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What Darkness Brings by C.S.Harris

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The death of a notorious London diamond merchant draws aristocratic investigator Sebastian St. Cyr and his new wife Hero into a sordid world of greed, desperation, and the occult, when the husband of Sebastian’s former lover Kat Boleyn is accused of the murder.

Regency England, September 1812: After a long night spent dealing with the tragic death of a former military comrade, a heart-sick Sebastian learns of a new calamity: Russell Yates, the dashing, one-time privateer who married Kat a year ago, has been found standing over the corpse of Benjamin Eisler, a wealthy gem dealer. Yates insists he is innocent, but he will surely hang unless Sebastian can unmask the real killer.

For the sake of Kat, the woman he once loved and lost, Sebastian plunges into a treacherous circle of intrigue. Although Eisler’s clients included the Prince Regent and the Emperor Napoleon, he was a despicable man with many enemies and a number of dangerous, well-kept secrets—including a passion for arcane texts and black magic. Central to the case is a magnificent blue diamond, believed to have once formed part of the French crown jewels, which disappeared on the night of Eisler’s death. As Sebastian traces the diamond’s ownership, he uncovers links that implicate an eccentric, powerful financier named Hope and stretch back into the darkest days of the French Revolution.

When the killer grows ever more desperate and vicious, Sebastian finds his new marriage to Hero tested by the shadows of his first love, especially when he begins to suspect that Kat is keeping secrets of her own. And as matters rise to a crisis, Sebastian must face a bitter truth—that he has been less than open with the fearless woman who is now his wife.
There are few things that I love more than being able to solve a crime with Sebastian St. Cyr, the Viscount of Deviln. And in the eight installment of this mystery series, C.S. Harris did not disappoint me. I have come to develop expectations about what each of these books will give me as a reader: there will be a mystery, there will be romance, there will be a well-researched historical background, and there will be adventure. But what Harris has managed to do so well over the course of this series is develop her characters. You’d think that things would begin to feel stale once you reach the eighth book in a series, yet it does not. Sebastian, Gibson, Hero, Jarvis, Hendon, and Kat are all returned as characters, with the intwining relationships between all of these characters becoming more complicated and more realized, especially once Kat’s husband is arrested for murder — which is where this story starts off.

Benjamin Eisler, an elderly gem dealer, is found shot in his home by his nephew, with Kat’s husband standing over the body. Being at the scene of the crime the implications against the man are strong and he is quickly thrown into jail to await trial. But things are not what they seem. Eisler was well-known and heavily disliked. His secrets are numerous and his treatment of others is debaucherous; even Sebastian is forced to admit that there is potentially a list of hundreds of people who would have wanted to kill him. In an attempt to assist Kat to free her husband, Sebastian gets involved in the case, eventually discovering that Eisler seemed to be in possession of the Hope Diamond, which was stolen twenty years ago during the revolution of France and that had once belonged to King Louis XVI. Why did Eisler have the diamond? Could that have been a factor responsible for his death? And how do so many people seem to know that Eisler was in possession of the diamond? Who did he try to sell it for? So many questions must be pondered and explored for Sebastian and us to understand the crime better.

Besides the characters, what I enjoy so much about these books are the mystery. I have still been unable to figure out “who done it” until Sebastian does, and I appreciate being given that high amount of anticipation.

4 out of 5 stars.

Again.

I refuse to write a sappy post about the unbalanced inconveniences in my life, and that I am trying my hardest to hold a metaphorical tight fist. It’s true that my expressions show a calm nature, because the world around me is hurricane and I just stand in the middle in the eye of the storm. I’ve have perfected my composure, that I could fool the closest family & friends involved in my life. Though, I am still expressing myself and it’s true opinions, ideologies, and thoughts…I just refuse to wear my heart on my sleeve. I will not share my heart with anyone. You can call it selfish, but I call it safety. 

People just have a hard time understanding that I am perfectly fine alone. Doesn’t mean that I am a recluse and live this dark morbid life in solitude. I have my good friends and I am very close to my family. Happiness for me is created by those individuals; I am truly blessed. My life is carefree and easy for me to handle without the stress of a partner. My friends and family understand my mood swings and know how to work around my flaws. Their support keeps my feet anchored in the ground.

I don’t have the patience and time to deal with men that mess with my heart. All I have ever asked from my partner is honesty, loyalty, respect, communication, and passion. Oh, and also my space when I am having my manic fits. You can’t cage me, and change me. You have to allow me to be the free spirit that I am. Also, I don’t understand how hard it is to meet me 50/50 in a relationship. Sure, it’s work, but if you really care about someone it’s well worth it. I’ve stuck my heart out for a few people that I have dated, so far I wasted my time and they were undeserving. I don’t want to wait around for that right one to find me and actually give me what I ultimately deserve. I’m better off single making my self happy and living a life without my heart being dragged through the mud. How hard is that for anyone to understand?

Thoughts of the Day.

I just want to live in a world where the skies are not polluted with chemtrails,where I can question the government and the OBVIOUS flaws right in front of our faces without being immediately shut down and called paranoid. I wish we didn’t have the mainstream media suffocating us with pointless ideals of self and what is important. I wish we understood feeding everyone on the planet is more important than iPhones and material bullshit.  I wish when I was out in the world I could see people talking to each other rather than ALL being sucked into their screens like some sort of zombies. 

I wish people paid attention to what is going on around them. Like the fact that our food is poisoned by giants like Monsanto, and our water has flouride in it which is destroying our pineal glands (our third eye, our ability to see beyond the veil)! I wish people saw beyond party lines and realized they are a way to divide and conquer the masses. Do you REALLY see any change when we have a Democrat or a Republican in office? Or do you see the same bullshit we have always? 

As far as I can see we are still ruled by our lord and masters. WE are still the peasants who are taken advantage of, who are blind to the bars which surround all of us!!!!! 

I wish people all gardened, and loved each other. I wish we could live in a world of happiness rather than one of greed, hate, war! All these things which benefit the elite. All these things are not done because we the world NEED them. Despite what you are made to believe it is possible to have a better world. It is possible. We can make the changes necessary, not without challenge of course, but it can happen. 

You are not an ignorant fool. You are not limited because you are human, and you are certainly not imperfect. You do not need to be anything but yourself. You do not need all these material objects to make you worthwhile. YOU HAVE AN INFINITE UNIVERSE at your FINGERTIPS! Do you realize this? Do you realize you have the power to change the world? To be whoever you want to be? TO be good? To bring unconditional love to yourself and all those around you? YES YOU!     You do not have to go along with the madness simply because the madness exists! IT IS WRONG, and I believe deep down many know this.

That is the problem. Those select few who run our world have made us believe we are insignificant, and deserving of the horror that rules our lives. That is a lie! Listen to your spirit telling you there is more to this life and this world than living in sadness and compliance for the darkness. 

WAKE UP AND SEE THERE CAN BE A BETTER WORLD IF YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO SEE AND CATALYZE IT!